Learning about our new normal

I stopped by the library the other day to pick up some books about Down Syndrome and adoption.  There aren't any (that I could find, anyway) that discuss both.  So I chose these:

Babies with Down Syndrome was suggested to me in one of my adoption groups.  It's supposed to be one of the best books to read when you're expecting a child with that magical extra gene.  We read My Friend Has Down Syndrome to the kids, and it was really good!!  I would like to find more children's books that have to do with sibling that have DS.  I'm sure they're out there...we just need to find them!
Bloom: Finding Beauty in the Unexpected is something that I started reading here and there when we would browse around Barnes and Noble.  I've read about half of it...I'll probably buy it at some point, I would love to own it.  The author, Kelle Hampton, does an amazing job telling the story of the birth and the first year of her daughter's life.  Nella was born with Down Syndrome, after a perfect pregnancy, labor and delivery.  Kelle had no idea she was giving birth to a baby with DS.  I would not recommend reading this book without tissues nearby.  Kelle explains how heart wrenching that first 24 hours was after giving birth to Nella.  Realizing that she wasn't the baby they were expecting, and how they had to grieve the baby they thought they were welcoming was heart wrenching.  One of my favorite parts in the book is when she wrote about the minutes after she had her.  This is what Kelle writes: "I will never forget my daughter in my arms, opening her eyes over and over...she locked eyes with mine and stared...bore holes into my soul.  Love me. Love  me.  I'm not what you expected, but oh, please love me." Gah! *tears*  Looking back, they wouldn't have it any other way.  (That's pretty much the only thing I've ever heard from parents of children with DS.)  Really though, this book is so good!  If you know anyone with DS, or even if you don't, please read this book!  You won't be disappointed, I promise!!  Kelle has a blog that I started following shortly after Nella was born.  She also writes about her family; her husband, her stepsons, her oldest daughter, Lainey, and their newest addition, Dash, along with Nella, of course.  You can find her blog here.

We've joined the Down Syndrome Guild of KC, we've contacted Children's Mercy Down Syndrome clinic, and we're getting in contact with more and more families of children with DS.  This is a whole new world for us.  One we know nothing about yet, but one that we are excited to explore!!  We just need our girl here with us!  asap!

Our First Fundraiser!

We're starting a silent auction this coming Monday at 32 Auctions.  Everything we make from this will go directly towards bringing Evie home!  If you have something you would like to donate, please leave me a comment!  We are collecting anything to put up for sale!  We plan on having more throughout the year, so stay tuned! 

The home study is done!

We had our last home study visit on March 19th, and were just informed a couple of days ago that it was approved!  Our lives are an open book...there is nothing that our adoption agency doesn't know about us.  If there were any secrets before, there are none now.
Our next step is to file what is known as the I800a.  It's basically an application that we submit to US immigration to receive approval to adopt a child from China.  This may be the longest wait that we have.  The approval for this takes anywhere from 40-90 days.  Once we get that approval in, we can submit our dossier (all the paperwork, info about us, home study, etc.) to China.  This is a big step!! It means the huge paper chase is essentially over with!

Our agency also just informed us that we can now request an update on her!!  We get to ask five questions, and request more photos and videos.  Narrowing our questions down to five was not an easy thing to do.  How do you squeeze "I want to know everything about her!  Just tell us everything!" into five questions?! So we went with the basics (her size, eating habits, sleeping arrangements, info on her foster family, and medical issues).  I think we get one more update before we travel, so we'll ask more specific questions then.  I'm really hoping and praying that we get a lot of pictures and an updated video of her!!

There are days when this process feels like an eternity, and sometimes it feels that we will never actually get there.  I'm sure I'm not the only one who has experienced this.  I was trying to compare it to being pregnant, and honestly, this wait has proved to be much harder than the pregnancy wait.   With a pregnancy, you get to watch your belly grow, you get to feel your little one moving around, you get to hear your child's heartbeat, occasionally get a chance to see him/her on an ultrasound screen, and you are always with your baby.  ;) The adoption wait is excruciating, mostly because you know your child is so far away from you, and there's nothing you can do about it.  Knowing that they are halfway around the world, being taken care of by someone else, wondering if their special needs are being met...it's just a helpless feeling.  The only thing that makes it easier is knowing that God has called us to parent this sweet child.  We know she is in His hands, and there are no other hands I would rather her be in.

The kids are also anxious to get her home!  We talk about her daily, look at her pictures, and watch the video of her - anticipating the day when she is with us.  We wonder what toys she will like, which books she will love for her big sisters to read to her, how her big brothers will protect her, and how much fun she will bring to our family.  Sometimes Jett will ask, "Mommy, how many more days till Evangeline will be here with us?"  Too many days is what I want to say, but I just smile and tell him, "A little while longer."

We're going as fast as we can, sweet baby girl!!  We can't wait to hold you in our arms!!  Just a little while longer!

What it means

I knew going into this that we would get bombarded with questions from everyone - family, friends, acquaintances, and even strangers.  I get that people are curious about why we're doing this, how long it will take, if we have to travel, how old our daughter is, etc.  I honestly love the questions, because number one: I love that people are interested in our daughter, and number two:  I love talking about her.  I also expected that people would question us about why we're adopting a child with Down Syndrome, which is totally understandable.  What I didn't expect was how many people don't get that we do actually know what we're getting into.  I wish I had a dollar for every time someone asked me, "You know what this means, don't you?" or "You do know that this is a big responsibility, right?"  We just might be able to fund this whole adoption with that.  

I get it.  I get that people are just trying to prepare us for a hard journey ahead.  And bless their hearts.  But to those people, I just wanna say, Thank you! Thank you so much for the encouragement and the positive outlook.  you can't see it, but I'm rolling my eyes.
 
I would bet that most parents would agree that it's not easy raising any child, whether they have disabilities or not.  Yeah, we will encounter trials and daily struggles, maybe more than parents with children without a disability, maybe not.  But the fact of the matter is, we will do whatever it takes to make sure this precious girl reaches her potential.  We do that with our other children. You do what you have to do, no matter what it is.  It's called being a parent.

I do think it's a little bit funny when I get these kind of questions, the kind that come with a side of  disapproval... especially since we're the ones that are adopting her, not them.  We're the ones that have made this decision after years of prayer.  We're the one who have researched and studied Down Syndrome.  We're the ones who have to raise this child.  We're the ones who will be responsible for her for the rest of our lives. We get it.  Do they really think they're going to say anything to us that we haven't already thought of a thousand times?  Really?  I promise, we've thought this through.  We aren't just blindly jumping into this. 

I know that this is just the beginning.  The questions are only going to get tougher and more critical once we get her home.  Not from family and friends, but from strangers and people who genuinely think that they have all the answers we need.  I have to remember that not everyone thinks the same way we do, not everyone gets why we're doing this.  Grace and mercy is what I receive from my Father.  It's what I have to remember to give to others. I honestly don't think that most people mean any harm by their questions, I just wish I could adequately express what Mike and I are feeling when they ask.  I feel like we're on the witness stand.  Like we have to defend our decision.  
 Obviously things like this get under my skin and I'm trying to get it all out now, I'm trying to be better.  I don't know why it irritates me so much.  I should be used to the looks and the questions.  After all, when we drag all 5 of our monkeys into public, the crowd looks at us like the circus has come to town. 

For the most part, everyone we know has been amazing, and so supportive!!  Thank you, from the bottom of our hearts for all the love and prayers and good wishes!!  We appreciate all of you so much and we don't know how we would do this without you! 

We're doing it wrong

I guess most people follow the timeline of:  1.apply to adopt  2.home study  3.dossier  4.child referral 5. LOI (letter of intent)

We didn't do it like that.  We sent in our application, looked at the waiting child photo listing, sent a request for more info on Evie, received the info on Evie, sent in our LOI, and we're just now doing our home study and working on our dossier (i.e. paperwork, paperwork, paperwork).  We're doing it a little bit backwards, but that's okay.  It will actually speed things up for us, which we're totally fine with.  We're hoping to have her home before the end of the year, which feels like a lifetime away right now, but I know it will go by fast.  Time flies when you have kids, I think all parents can attest to that.  Especially once Summer rolls around. 

The kids are definitely ready for their little sister to be home.  We usually get passes to Worlds of Fun and Oceans of Fun every year.  Since adoption is, uh, not cheap, we decided to not get them this year.  When we told the kids, their initial reaction was met with groaning (of course.  Mine was too a little bit, to be honest) but when we told them it was to save money to bring Evie home, they were totally cool with it.  Seriously, their demeanors changed in an instant.  We were driving home from church yesterday, and Isaac said "Mom, I think we're missing someone."  My first instinct was, alright, where's Elijah?  Did he even get in the car?  Then Isaac says, "Oh, I know who it is.  Evangeline."  He loves her.  He talks about her more than the other kids do.  I think he's gonna have a special connection with her.  I think he already does.

So right now, we're just waiting on our first home study visit, which I am assuming will be some time this week.  We're getting our house ready for two more little feet.  I guess that baby gate we took down a few months ago will be going back up in another nine months or so...  maybe even sooner!

Depraved Indifference

I LOVE this video. There's really nothing I can add to its message...I think he pretty much says it all.  It was a major life changer for me when I watched it a couple of years ago. 
This situation isn't exclusive to Liberia.  There are children in every country of the world who need food, clothing, love, compassion, and a family to call their own.  

Matthew 25:40  "The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’

I Have a Family!

Just recently, it was brought to my attention that under our daughter's photo on Holt's waiting children listing it says "I have a family".  I was freaking out a little bit when I saw it because I hadn't heard anything from them.  They originally told me that no other family was looking at her file, but here was one of those "what if" situations.  I took a breath and called the lady that had sent us all the info on Evie, praying that the news would be good.  When she picked up, I told her that I had seen her updated picture, but that I hadn't heard anything about it.  I think she could sense a little bit of anxiousness in my voice, because she laughed a little bit and said, "Don't worry.  That would be your family."  Yay! 
Thankfully, I saw it on a day when they were in the office because I don't think I could have made it through a weekend not knowing!
Something else a little bit exciting happened today...we had a meeting with someone from Holt this morning and she told us that since we've been matched with a child already, the process will go much faster!  That's amazing in that we will get her sooner, but it also means that we will have to raise the money faster.  I'm not sure right now what type of fundraising we will be having, but we will for sure post it when we know!
We have so many family and friends that have offered support and help along the way.  We're so grateful for all of them!!